Justin C Watches WCW Bash at the Beach 2000

Well, I’m finally here. Full disclosure: I’ve had a few beers before I watched this show. I know how awful it is. I know what happens at this show. As I said in my review of Great American Bash: Any good doing WCW built up went away at that show. And it didn’t get any better on the following Nitros. Goldberg’s heel turn is a complete dud. No one is buying it. Ernest Miller is the Commissioner who is taking ideas from his limo driver. Eric Bischoff is nowhere to be found.

Ric Flair had his head shaved. David Flair is in a love triangle with Miss Hancock and Daffney. Van Hammer still has a job. It is just all awful for WCW. Oh yeah, and Jeff Jarrett is still WCW Champion. And this show is the epitome of why Vince Russo is just awful when it comes to booking on his own. When we get to the worked shoot portion of the show, I’ll break it down in a little bit more detail.

For now, lets just get into this abomination of a show before I regret it.

We start with the Jung Dragons attacking Ernest Miller getting out of his limo. It is like, D-Level movie acting from these four when it comes to their karate action.

WCW Cruiserweight Championship: Juvi  vs Lt. Loco (c)

The Filthy Animals have a cool entrance. I’ll give them that much. Major Gunns looks like she wishes she was anywhere else but here. The Cat wanted the Misfits and Filthy Animals barred from ringside but they didn’t get the message. This might be Ernest Miller’s best move as Commissioner, because it gets Van Hammer off my TV. Tony Schiavone says communication in WCW needs to improve. HA! You had three years to work on that Tony.

I guess Lt. Loco is the actual champ but Juvi has the belt. Loco is Chavo Guerrero for those that don’t know. The piped in crowd noise is distracting. There is some action going on. Nothing newsworthy. Chavo hits a dive off the top to the outside. The Filthy Animals come out wearing masks that hide their face, but the same outfits they had on. Idiots. At this point Juvi is mimicking The Rock and does a People’s Elbow. Again, idiots. Major Gunns comes out, but the ref is distracted by M.I.A. in masks on the other side. Can you idiots not time out your interference properly?Lt. Loco ends up hitting a tornado DDT for the win. Can Van Hammer put his mask back on during the celebration?

WCW Hardcore Championship: Big Vito (c) vs Norman Smiley and Ralphus

This was originally suppose to be Johnny the Bull, but he stupidly went for a guillotine leg drop to the outside in a match against Terry Funk on Nitro and tore his urethra. Yes, tore his urethra. The action immediately goes to the back. Ralphus tries hiding behind a trash can lid. They go to an elevator. Vito knocks some water and cups off a tray from some guy in it. That poor soul. Vito sends Norman up on the elevator then goes back to the ring with Ralphus. Vito pulls out a table and immediately breaks one leg of it. Vito hits a splash off the top and through the table for the win. Next.

Wedding Gown Match: Daffney vs Miss Hancock

There is a video package with serious dramatic music for this match. Oh my god someone help me. David Flair comes out with Miss Hancock and they make out in the ring. How did she not vomit while doing that? Apparently they didn’t hear Daffney’s music as she comes out so she low blows David. Now the ref and David Flair are pants less. This is so bad. Crowbar comes out and attacks David and takes his pants off. Why have I typed so many words about this already? Miss Hancock strips herself and loses, then Daffney shoves cake in her face. There is more cake tomfoolery after. I should have water boarded myself instead of watching this.

WCW Tag Team Championship: The Perfect Event (c) vs Kronic

This should be fun. You have the still greener than green Sean Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo against the still shittier as shit team of Bryan Adams and Bryan Clark, known as Kronic. The crowd is into Kronic for some reason. I wonder what the percentage of steroid use is during this match? At least 75% right? Palumbo also still has chicken legs. Can Doink come out and hit Adams with a gimmicked arm again? It’d probably be the best part of this match. Stasiak applies one of the worst sleeper holds I’ve ever seen. Clark gets the hot tag and immediately stumbles going for a charge in the corner. The wrestling here is legit awful. It looks like two teams that have been in wrestling school for six months trying to put together a match. Kronic hits High Time on Stasiak, then Palumbo, then a powerbomb clothesline combo for the win. The announcers are selling it like some great wrestling match. I’ve seen better at Indy shows.

HAHAHA. Scott Hudson says “16,000 on their feet.” Come on Scott, I can tell just from looking at the arena that it is nowhere close to 16,000.

The Jung Dragons attack The Cat again. I don’t know what’s going on.

“Positively” Kanyon vs Booker T

Under any banner other than WCW this might be a decent match. But it is under the WCW banner so we are shit out of luck. And the action immediately goes to the outside where Kanyon smashes a chair into the steps on Booker. Kanyon then brings the chair into the ring and the ref allows it. Where is Stevie Ray to question if this is a hardcore match? Kanyon ends up getting tossed into the chair so I guess it is okay. But now Booker T uses the chair and the ref stops Booker. What the hell is the difference? Kanyon goes to use his loaded book but the brick is out of it so Booker kicks out. Booker hits the Book End and goes to the top, but Jeff Jarrett comes out and hits Booker with the guitar. Kanyon hits the Kanyon Cutter for the win. The least offensive match on the show so far.

Mike Awesome gets interviewed. He was hitting on some fat chick, so here begins the “Fat Chick Thriller” gimmick.

United States Championship: Scott Steiner (c) vs Mike Awesome

I’m a Mike Awesome backer and he always got the shaft in WCW, and even in WWE when he went there. No idea why he couldn’t have been a World Champ in WCW at least. They immediately brawl into the crowd. Back in the ring Steiner hits a belly-to-belly off the top. So far they have found every chair at ringside and used it in this match. The Cat comes out because the Steiner Recliner is banned. But Steiner knocks him right off the apron. Ref bump. Hey at least it is the first one tonight. Cat accidentally hits Awesome then eats a belly-to-belly. Cat says he will strip Steiner of his Title. So the ref is forced to ring the bell. Cat takes the Title. No one knows if Mike Awesome is Champ, which is typical for WCW.

Graveyard Match: Vampiro vs The Demon

Formerly known as the KISS Demon. I still laugh considering how much WCW spent on that awful KISS performance. I have a soft spot for all of this stuff. The Demon is now an alter ego of Dale Torborg. At least the image quality here is better than the time Sting met him in the graveyard. The Demon tells Little Naitch to watch out for his wife Asya, Okay, that’ll work just fine.

Vamprio jumps out of a tree. They fight near an open grave. Vampiro dumps The Demon into that eventually then takes Asya with him. The Demon finds Asya then Vampiro pulls him into a pond and they fight in that. Charles Robinson goes in to pull out The Demon. Damn it Little Naitch, he told you to watch his wife not save him from drowning! Vampiro spits blood in Demon’s face then asks Demon to join him. He says never. Vampiro cracks a tombstone over Demon’s head then puts him in a casket and tips the casket into the open grave. The match isn’t over, as the first person to make it back to the arena wins.

Mail your cable or satellite bill to WCW and you can be Goldberg’s guest manager. Even though he is a heel.

Buff Bagwell vs Shane Douglas

This feud is based on BACKSTAGE INSIDER STUFF. Buff was suspended for 30 days and it cost Douglas bookings because they were tag team Champions. I’m not surprised as we immediately go to the outside and chairs are involved. Can we not switch it up for once? Or are people just too damn lazy to have an actual match? That’s probably it. Torrie Wilson with a new boob job comes out. She slaps Douglas. She then makes out with Buff after he hits some moves but then low blows him. Douglas only gets two though. Buff goes to the top. Torrie grabs his leg and Douglas hits a jawbreaker for the win.

Madden says it looks like the Franchise has found a new head cheerleader. OOOOOOO.

WCW Championship: Jeff Jarrett (c) vs Hollywood Hogan

They wasted Michael Buffer on this shit. Jarrett takes his time coming out. Eventually Vince Russo comes out and Jarrett follows. After Hogan comes out Jarrett stands at the top of the ramp. Jarrett walks in and the bell rings, and Jarrett immediately lays down. Russo throws the belt into Hogan. Hogan says this is why the company is in the position is in, because of bull shit like this. Technically Hogan is right, but he was also part of the problem. Hogan pins Jarrett. The announcers talk about going off the script and production meetings. See, this is the problem. We watch wrestling knowing it is fake. But we don’t want to be told that it is fake. Especially by the people that run the wrestling company.

So here’s the story. If you believe Eric Bischoff, everything that happened in this match was a work. Him and Hogan left the building right after to make people believe there was a legit argument among them and Russo. And Hogan would return later to challenge the heel Champ, likely at Halloween Havoc, to unify the Titles. But then Vince Russo came out and cut his infamous shoot promo and went into business for himself.

Now according to Russo, the shoot was planned. He told Hogan to leave the building because if Hogan was there he’d have to go out and kick Russo’s ass. Russo said everything that happened was agreed too and he would call Hogan the next day. But Brad Seigel told Russo that they couldn’t afford Hogan’s contract anymore and not to call him. And then the defamation of character lawsuit came. This would be Hogan’s last appearance in WCW. Nobody believed anything Russo was saying. WCW was all Russo after this and it shows in the coming weeks and months. It was awful TV. That’s the short version. There is plenty more that built up to this.

Vampiro finds his way back to the arena to win the Graveyard Match. A bunch of Sting druids in mask come out. The real Sting attacks Vampiro and puts him in a casket then leaves. Okay then.

Vince Russo comes out to deliver his promo…

The problem with this is that it becomes all about Vince Russo. That is all people talk about from this show. Nothing else (even though there was nothing else newsworthy). And despite what Russo says, most wrestling fans didn’t want to hear about backstage politics or creative control etc. They just want to see good wrestling and not have their intelligence insulted.

Kevin Nash vs Goldberg

This is a match for Scott Hall’s contract. Nash tells Scott Steiner to watch his back, but Scott is too busy boning some chick. I never understood this match. So if Nash wins he gets Hall’s contract andd what? Nash goes for his corner offense but Goldberg grabs his foot and throws him away. Nash hits a chokeslam. Scott Steiner is done banging Midajah and comes out to support Nash. Nash side steps a spear then goes for a powerbomb, but Steiner hits Nash. Nash catches Steiner with a boot, but Goldberg hits a Spear and Jackhammer for the win. So you just took one of your most over wrestlers, Scott Steiner, and turned him heel? Sounds like a Russo idea.

WCW Championship: Jeff Jarrett vs Booker T

Michael Buffer says we have been witness to one of the best nights in wrestling, sports and entertainment history. Haha. At least Buffer is getting paid to say this shit. They start with some quick chain wrestling then go through the crowd because WCW has clearly ran out of ideas. They get to the announce table where Jarrett piledrives Booker T on the announce table. Booker T escapes a couple of Sleeper holds but Jarrett is able to apply a Figure Four. Booker escapes and gets a comeback going. He “connects” on an ax kick but Jarrett moves to early so he barely grazes his head. Jarrett tosses Booker into the corner and we get a ref bump. Jarrett goes for the belt but misses and Booker uses it but Jarrett kicks out at two. Low blow from Jarrett. Jarrett sets a chair up in the corner but Booker throws him into it. Jarrett kicks out again then hits the Stroke on the ref. This is like Roman Reigns levels of booking to protect someone here. Jarrett goes to the top with a guitar but Booker catches him with the Book End for the win.

Now, depending on who you believe again, the story with Booker winning is one of two things. Either Vince Russo legitimately giving Booker T his due and putting the Title on him. Or, the fact that WCW was still facing a discrimination lawsuit and they wanted to put the Title on an African American to show they play fair. Whichever way it is, at least Booker looked to be legit emotional after the win.

Overall? Another show that is the drizzling shits when it comes to Vince Russo. The show ends up being all about him in the end, just how he likes it. The main event is fine. And as I said I have a soft spot for the Vampiro stuff, but nothing else on this show is worth watching at all.

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka